17 Seconds

She has the tendency to analyze everything around her. From people, to animals, to plants. She studies facial expressions, every frown, every wrinkle, every blink of an eye, every movement of the lips, and limbs. The same with all species around her, and she somehow connects it all to herself. Her eyes stretches as far as she's allowed and then she strecthes them deep within herself, as though she's trying to compare something that's she seems to have missed.

That's Iris for you. When has she ever been anti-analytical? Most importantly, when has she been strong and guilt-free? These days she seems to be wrecked with guilt, but in my view, I think she's not identifying her emotions correctly. Human beings feel all sorts of different emotions - all at the same time. She may be feeling happy, but guilty. A positive feeling followed by a negative one. How is that possible? It just is.

Iris is a funny one. She has completed her exams. Like most students, worried herself to death, and sat long hours in the library trying to get as much work as she possibly can. There were moments she doubted her ability, but that's not an exception to Iris. Many students would feel the same if they were faced with having to sit four exams with no days apart. No break, no breathing space, and no time to think - just do.

In a few days she will be boarding a plane back to where she belongs - for a holiday she hopes. She is trying not to think of all the drama she will be faced with, and instead concentrates on all the loved ones she have missed so dearly and would love to see again. She is trying very hard not to think about taking off and landing, as that is the main thing terrifying her at the moment and is preventing her from sleep. Instead, she lies there thinking of all the things she needs to do, counting the days, and the hours, and the errands. She thinks of all the people she needs to see before she departs - and somewhere in the farthest area you could ever find in the back of her head she fears that she will not be able to see them again - because she's getting on a plane and will lose all control. She will be confined in a limited space which worst of all, will defy gravity by trying to remain constant in the sky.

Isn't that the most absurd thing you have ever heard? Not to me, as I'm sure lots of people go through the same. I try to tell her that it's going to be fine, and that she's being irrational, and the funny thing is that her irrationality is stopping her from listening to me. Instead, all I do is say a little prayer for Iris, not only to be safe because I know she will be, but to relieve her of all those fears which takes over her. It's like being trapped in purgatory.

On a random note, she has finally started informing a few of her friends of her decision regarding her personal life. Some took it fine, and others just didn't. I would personally find that painful to the point of angry. Some of them ask her questions, as though trying to make it sound 'normal' and casual, but it doesn't work. She can feel them judging her, and that makes her angry. And sometimes, through the vibrations of their voice, she can sense the message they send across, like 'if things go wrong again, don't come crying to us.' OK, she won't. In fact, she stopped. The only person she ever speaks to nowadays is me, and frankly, I'm honored. Who wouldn't be?