Long way to happy

Her eyes were fixated at the little two birds by the edge of the fountain. One was slightly bigger than the other. She figured there was a familial bond between them – especially when the slightly bigger one tried to bathe the little one. It looked unconditional and simple. One would not venture to presume that such a pure relationship carried a subliminal baggage. It never looks that way from the outside, unless you poke at that baggage and it suddenly jerks open spreading its contents across the floor – which some has seen at airports and train stations. It is always a messy situation that leaves you cringing with embarrassment for the person.

As she sat there, she had a thought(s). At her age, she has come a long way. She’s not necessarily arrogant, but she is extremely proud. She’s is not sane; but I wouldn’t call her insane. She’s not always right; but her instincts are never wrong. Yes, instincts – only she knows how much time and practice it took for her to reach deep within herself and listen… Oh but listening is the easiest part – it’s trusting what you hear that’s a challenge. She likes to think that she’s almost mastered it. Since then, she has been almost right about things in front of her. She began to see the world in a different light. One with plenty of clarity, purity, and color. Although she’s not wise, she’s definitely not unaware. She’s sensitive to the point of taking the whole world on her shoulders and shedding tears endlessly for your pain – but at the same time, she can be strong, aggressive, and determined. She’s a quirky girl, that Iris. She’s unique and one of a kind. You’re lucky to get this far if she lets you because she’s hard to please but sweet to keep.

I needed to write this to remind Iris who she is and what she is to the world. She is special, loving, kind, and generous. She would give you her last penny even if it meant she’ll starve. I always tell her not to allow anyone to say otherwise. She’s a GOOD person. And good people are hard to find.

As I watched her completely mesmerized at the sight of birds, I realized what was going through her mind. At that instant, the contours of her face changed and it looked as though a light bulb has switched inside her head. She looked at me with her brown eyes wide and filled with amazement – and at that moment, I smiled. I knew. I always knew, but I left it for her to realize. To come to the realization that what she hopes for will never change – and although she has been robbed out of it, there is still good in the world. And although it does make you feel alone, you are actually NOT alone. Otherwise, how is the world still turning? And even though she feels like a doormat, a coat hanger, a chair, or a piece of furniture that has been used and abused, it will never last. It’s all in passing is what I keep telling her, and she always smiles back knowingly. Indeed, “this too shall pass.”

I love this girl – not only because she’s my best friend and I look after her, but most importantly, she is a part of me; she is almost me. You may also say that she is the me that I’m trying to be.

Take me for me

The streets are paved with gold
My heart has oversold

My mind is a train wreck
Oh, how the world seems such a trek

I drink coffee that is black
But my body still seems to slack

My hair is woven into a thick mess
My eyes have been shaped as almond windows

My lips are equivalent to a speakerphone
But even though my hands are small,
My hips not,
And even though I am not intensive
I've been told I'm aggressive...

31-07-2009 - Vapiano, Great Portland Street

Memory, why so harsh?

Memory, memory, why can you be so bitter?
The thought of you makes me jitter

Oh memory, do you ever quit?
Just the sight of you turns me into grit

You play so well with sights and sounds
It chases me all day and night in rounds

Your face is submerged with pain and acid
The sight of it makes me feel far from placid

Where do we go from here?
Because I can’t stand you so near

My mind twists and turns
Yes, I know it’s what your ego yearns

Would you not care to give some of us a break?
Or is your one and only job to see us ache?

Please do go away and grant us rest
Otherwise, in my mind you will be pressed

Be a good boy and run along
Before you feel the full force of pain so strong

I am sick and tired of you lurking around
You give me a stomach ache and a frown

Seriously, go away and leave me in peace
Because of you my life may cease

Why are women often haunted by you?
To think of all the things you’ve put them through!

What’s the secret you demon?
Do you actually think you’re God’s gift to women?

Go away before I commit a crime
For I am weak and can’t afford lose of time

So be a good boy and run along
Before you feel the full force of pain so strong.

Precisely

"I never wanted to weigh more heavily on a man than a bird." - Coco Chanel

You're a big girl now.

Our conversation was short and sweet
It nearly swept me off-a my feet
And I'm back in the rain oh oh
And you're on dry land
You made it there somehow
You're a big girl now.

Bird on the horizon sitting on the fence
He's singing his song for me at his own expense
And I'm just like that bird oh oh
Singing just for you
I hope that you can hear
Hear me singing through these tears.

Time is a jet plane it moves so fast
Oh but what a shame if all we've shared can't last
I can change I swear oh oh
See what you can do
I can make it through
You can make it too.

Love is so simple to quote a phrase
You've known it all the time I'm learning it these days
Oh I know where I can find you oh oh
In somebody's room
It's a price I had to pay
You're a big girl all the way.

A change in the weather is known to be extreme
But what's the sense of changing horses in midstream ?
I'm going out of my mind oh oh
With a pain that stops and starts
Like a corkscrew to my heart
Ever since we've been apart.

Bob Dylan

My personal attempt

"Do not have any attachments, do not have anything in your life you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you spot the heat around the corner."

He said time...

"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone". - Rose Kennedy

Haze

Like a corpse
with no source
A heavy weight
I'd like to castrate
Emotionally unattainable
technically unavailable
Lazy eyes
I was hypnotized
What did I see;
What did I SEE;
An endless sea?
My colours
They bleed
for your existence
that is a hinderance
My desire
Will retire
If you keep burning holes
into my soul(s)...

04-08-2009 20:32