Iris always dreamed of a life filled with caramel and fireworks. However, her world has been spinning violently for the past few months causing her stomach to eject all of it's contents. It hasn't been easy, and while I watched her suffer, I wondered if there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
Iris is a pretty girl. What added to her pretty-ness was the fact that her heart was a big giant cotton candy machine. She oozed of sweetness, only if you supplied her with enough sugar. She loved Astrud Gilberto, and I remember laughing at her taste in music. Although I have to admit, that kind of music sent me so far that it would be physically impossible to wipe that smile off of my face. Iris always made fun of that. That's the thing about her. She's funny, but in her own way. She's also full of wonder, and people loved telling her stories when they're sitting across from her because they simply loved to watch her facial expressions. Apparently, they were hilarious.
She may sound like a fun and happy creature, but lately she hasn't been the happiest. She deserves to be happy. She really does. I think she deserves it more than anyone I know - honestly. I would fight for her happiness if I could. Lately, she's been feeling unloved, unappreciated, and neglected. She gives him everything he asks for simply because she lives to make him happy. You'd think a man like him would be intelligent enough to realize what he's got, and i think he realizes, but he refuses to move a finger.
Most people think he's a nice fellow. He's got a sweet smile and a silly sense of humor. He's also very social and makes an impression on all her friends. As far as her friends are concerned, he's a cool guy. But try getting involved with him - he's a handful! I feel sorry for poor Iris.
She puts everything in her life on hold because she likes to make sure he's happy, content, and comfortable. God forbid if Iris has an important appointment she has to go to and he happens to call. She will cancel her appointments just to meet him for a quick coffee. I've seen her do it and it drove me mad. She tells me she can't resist him. She can't resist not being able to look into his hazel eyes. She would stop the world turning just to sit across from him in some random Italian café, even if it was brief. She breaks my heart, that Iris.
To be honest, I don't think he feels about her the same way she does about him. He likes the idea of being in control, and Iris allows him to control her. Sometimes it seems to me that he enjoys punishing her - emotionally. He's sadistic like that sometimes. He enjoys playing mind games with her, provoke her until he gets the reaction he expects from her, and then sits there and laughs, and laughs, and laughs until his belly wobbles that you wonder whether it has a mind of its own. And Iris? She sits on her bed in the darkness of her room and feels the hot tears stream down her face. She will cry until she can't breathe (or breath?) and wonder whether it gets any easier. He finds that amusing sometimes.
I am starting to dislike him. Iris deserves better. You would think he shows her a little bit of appreciation once in a while. Hm... NOTHING. A sweet word here and there? Nope. Possibly wraps his arms around her and show her how safe he can make her feel being surrounded by him? In her dreams. A little bit of gratitude for the effort, work, tears, heartache, sacrifices (even ones he wasn't aware of) and blood she's put into this relationship? You guessed it... NO. Instead, he constantly tells her how confused he is and how he never wanted to be in a relationship in the first place. He rips her heart into a million and one pieces when he says that. How dare he? She looks at him and wonders why he's never said anything to her before. She wonders why hasn't he spared her the work, insults, heartache, and effort? Why hasn't he spoken up before instead of leading her on? I think I know. He was probably taking advantage of her kindness. But, I don't dare say this to Iris. She is hurting already, and this is the last thing she wants to hear although I am confident that she's a smart enough woman to realize that.
They are still together. He is distant at the moment. That's how he's like: back and forth. Their relationship is like a fucking yo-yo. He drops her to the deepest depths of hell, and then pulls her up again, only to drop her back in hell again. Nothing is good enough for him. He criticizes her all the time, making her feel less confident and insecure about herself. Not once has he made her feel like a queen or showed her how proud he is to be with her. If he doesn't think she deserves it, then why is she still with him? Why is she allowing him to treat her like that?
Iris always used to say how she would never get involved with an insecure man who carries his emotional baggage with him everywhere he goes that it ends up creating a monster out of him. We all say things like that, but somehow, something happens... and you wake up and wonder how you ended up here.
Why is it that when as soon as a man starts to feel something, he runs away from it? He's afraid of facing his feelings. Why? He's terrified of it, when there is no reason why he should. This man in particular is horrible to the point of hilarious when it comes to feelings. If I were in Iris's place, I would teach him a lesson because he needs one. But Iris is too much of a kind girl to do anything horrible to him. She always says how sensitive he is, and that she has to watch what she says around him. Sensitive? Isn't part of being sensitive is to be sensitive towards other people's feelings?
Here's my advice to Iris: Be nice to yourself, you deserve it. You deserve better. By the way, where do you get your patience from? It's incredible. Be good to yourself, meditate, drink lots of water, and always take deep deep breaths. Surround yourself with people who truly love you - come on, you've got loads of those! And don't let anyone else determine your own self-worth. Believe in karma. What goes around, comes around. It will bite him in the ass one day. You WILL BE in a much happier place. Where as on the other hand, he'll realize what he's lost.... and believe me beautiful girl, it will be too late.
Be happy, Iris. Wake up and smell the coffee. You know what you have to do. You'll be fine. I promise.
"...Then one day she looked around her
and everything up til then was showing
and she wondered how did i get here
without even knowing where i was going?
now there's no getting out of this
and there is no going back
and it all seems so odd sometimes
and the odds all seem stacked..." - Ani Difranco (God bless her!)
