| Your Theme Song is Born to Be Wild by Steppenwolf |
 "I like smoke and lightning Heavy metal thunder Racin' with the wind And the feelin' that I'm under" A total independent spirit, you can't be held down or fenced in. You crave the feeling of wind on your face... and total freedom. |
Tuesday, October 31, 2006
Wiiiiild THANG!
Monday, October 23, 2006
Eid Mubarak
Just got on here to wish everyone a happy Eid...
As for me, I got to spend it with the most amazing people Allah has ever created... Thank you...
:)
As for me, I got to spend it with the most amazing people Allah has ever created... Thank you...
:)
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Short and sweet
I was on the bus tonight making my way home. It was half empty, except for two American couples sitting in front of me. I was drifting in between thoughts, and rarely tuned in to what they were saying. Usually, I enjoy listening to conversations on the bus/tube, especially ones of American tourists because let's face it, they are quite hilarious.
As I glanced at the woman sitting next to her husband/partner, I caught her lips making out the words "I love you" towards her man. I don't know why and how I caught that moment, but I did... And I'm glad. I looked at the man waiting for him to say those words back, but he didn't. My eyes were fixated on him, still waiting to hear it back. Instead, he turned his head, grabbed hold of her hand, and planted a kiss on her lips. I smiled. To me, that translated into: "I love you too."
Although hearing it is important to some extent, actions speak louder than words.
Just a small moment I wanted to share with the world. :)
As I glanced at the woman sitting next to her husband/partner, I caught her lips making out the words "I love you" towards her man. I don't know why and how I caught that moment, but I did... And I'm glad. I looked at the man waiting for him to say those words back, but he didn't. My eyes were fixated on him, still waiting to hear it back. Instead, he turned his head, grabbed hold of her hand, and planted a kiss on her lips. I smiled. To me, that translated into: "I love you too."
Although hearing it is important to some extent, actions speak louder than words.
Just a small moment I wanted to share with the world. :)
Friday, October 13, 2006
My favorite tree
This was written back on the 5th of April, 2005. Reading it, I realized that my past still hurts... no, not necessarily hurts... it stings... it makes me want to throw away that part of my brain:
I'm looking out the window and at the mango tree that seems to have grown in just a short period of time. I don't like fruits, but I like the smell of mangos. Some 60's tune is playing in the background and I can't help but think of Whoopi Goldberg in the movie Girl, Interrupted (for some reason).
Today, it was one of those mornings where I woke up craving coffee. I drink coffee every morning, but today I wanted something stronger to get me through the day.
I started stirring my rich Arabic coffee on the oven. I was still half asleep and had to fight hard to keep my eyes open. My hair was messed up and all over the place. I seem to like it that way better. I was thinking of all these different things about my life. Sometimes, it's not as bad as I make it seem. And other times, I concentrate on this one thing that makes everything in my life seem so horrible and depressing. I thought, "If only I can get rid of this one thing, then everything else would be bearable." I can get over the fact that I'm here rather than in England because let's face it, I'm still young and I'll always have the chance to go back to London after making something out of myself. I'm 21 and I've got so much to look forward to... but that thing.
I was fighting back the tears. I did not want to cry in front of mother creature, especially when she had guests visting. I gave my cat some love and made sure she's okay and well fed and decided to sip my coffee under the mango tree outside.
I leaned against the tree. I was wearing my lime green pyjamas and from some weird angle, the sun was shinning in my small espresso cup. It was just my cup and nothing else. It was so bright and so beautiful that I couldn't help but draw a curve on my face... And at THAT moment, I realized that when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. And in that millisecond, everything just seemed okay...
Five months later, yours truly got her ass back to England... Sure, she's struggling, but she found and met many beautiful people since then. She's trying to get through university even though it's been tough with her lack of motivation. However, she still likes to think she's been blessed, especially these days...
Isn't life funny?
I'm looking out the window and at the mango tree that seems to have grown in just a short period of time. I don't like fruits, but I like the smell of mangos. Some 60's tune is playing in the background and I can't help but think of Whoopi Goldberg in the movie Girl, Interrupted (for some reason).
Today, it was one of those mornings where I woke up craving coffee. I drink coffee every morning, but today I wanted something stronger to get me through the day.
I started stirring my rich Arabic coffee on the oven. I was still half asleep and had to fight hard to keep my eyes open. My hair was messed up and all over the place. I seem to like it that way better. I was thinking of all these different things about my life. Sometimes, it's not as bad as I make it seem. And other times, I concentrate on this one thing that makes everything in my life seem so horrible and depressing. I thought, "If only I can get rid of this one thing, then everything else would be bearable." I can get over the fact that I'm here rather than in England because let's face it, I'm still young and I'll always have the chance to go back to London after making something out of myself. I'm 21 and I've got so much to look forward to... but that thing.
I was fighting back the tears. I did not want to cry in front of mother creature, especially when she had guests visting. I gave my cat some love and made sure she's okay and well fed and decided to sip my coffee under the mango tree outside.
I leaned against the tree. I was wearing my lime green pyjamas and from some weird angle, the sun was shinning in my small espresso cup. It was just my cup and nothing else. It was so bright and so beautiful that I couldn't help but draw a curve on my face... And at THAT moment, I realized that when you hit rock bottom, the only way is up. And in that millisecond, everything just seemed okay...
Five months later, yours truly got her ass back to England... Sure, she's struggling, but she found and met many beautiful people since then. She's trying to get through university even though it's been tough with her lack of motivation. However, she still likes to think she's been blessed, especially these days...
Isn't life funny?
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Pick yer nose, Miss Difranco.
"You've gotta live light enough to see the humor and long enough to see some change...
I think shy is boring,
I think depressed is too.
I think pretty is nice,
but i'd rather see something new..."
Hell yeah.
I think shy is boring,
I think depressed is too.
I think pretty is nice,
but i'd rather see something new..."
Hell yeah.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Tomorow is a brand new day
They say there's an expiry date on everything in life. There has to be a point in your life where you let go and flip open a new page. Personally, I don't believe in that. I believe that that statement is partially true, however, it's not that easy. I don't want to talk about how easy it is to let go of things because I'm not good with these things. As much as I want to sit here and let my tears do the talking, I want to write about it instead and let my fears, worries, sadness, and bitterness be known. I'm human, and I'm alive more than ever.
I went through a time in my life that messed my head. It was like someone so powerful picked me up and turned me inside out like you do with most of your laundry. It felt like some greater being has forced itself deep into my chest and squeezed the life out of my heart. I was lost, so lost. I was confused, alone, bitter at the amount of loss, and scared. I was scared. I was afraid. I was weak. I felt myself sinking lower and lower into the unknown. It was like standing on quick sand without realizing and it's sucking you down… deep down. I wanted to yell 'help!' but no one listened. I felt eyes on me, but they couldn't see the amount of hurt lurking inside. It was my definition of struggle because I believe that struggle means different things to different people.
Even though it was over, I still had pieces to pick up and glue together. I still had bags of emotions to go through. I was left with a heart that needed mending and a head that needed fixing. I was finally in a country I tried so hard to escape to, but nothing felt the same. Nothing tasted the same. In fact, everything tasted sour to the point where you'd have to close your eyes tight and wait for that feeling to pass.
The present is all that matters. My present is my education. Without it, please tell me why I'm here again? I've been interrupted many times. I've had obstacles thrown at me and I know God sat watching me from up above intrigued at how I'd handle them. I handled them pretty well, I think. I got through, and I managed. I had a few slips here and there, but let's face it, who doesn't have those days?
I just want to say, yesterday wasn't the best of days. Sure, I had worst days, but I walked out into the coldness of the city and allowed the breeze to dry my tears. I had a million questions in my head and one of them was the one we always seem to ask, "why me?" Hmmm, I wish I had the answer to that, but I don't, so I'll settle with this quote from Ani Difranco, "We are made to bleed and scab and heal and bleed again and turn every scar into a joke. We are made to fight and fuck and talk and fight again and sit around and laugh until we choke…"
I realized that I've been living in fear. I've been dragging my past into the present and the future. With every negative thought, there was a negative emotion, and with every negative emotion, a negative action was born. I've heard people say, "You are what you eat" and I'm here to say that you are what you feel. You feel like shit? Everything around you will look like shit. You will attract everything bad there is out there because it'll reflect your attitude and what you're feeling on the inside.
Like I was telling someone today, picture the world was a stress-free place with no responsibilities and things to worry about, how boring would that world be? No, I refuse to be a part of it. I want to be a part of this world. I want to stress. I want to have responsibilities. I want to cry out of frustration. I want to have bad days because everyone has them. I want to wake up and think today is a new day and I'll make the most of it.
Tonight I'm going to get rid of this fear inside me. I am going to liberate myself. I'm going to be free. I'm going to force myself to believe that I can do this. I'll convince myself that even though it's not going to be an easy ride, I'm strong enough to get through it. Come on, I've been through worse things than this. I'll tell myself that I'm smart enough, maybe not a genius, maybe not as intelligent as the rest of my family members, but I can pull a decent degree and finally venture into the real world. Or have I been there already? I've got potential, and I have what it takes. I just need to believe that.
Most importantly, I'll tell myself that I'll be fine. That even if hell freezes over, I will not pull out of university and call it quits. If this is meant to be a battle, then I don't and WILL NOT loose my battles.
How freaky that just as I was about to end this post, the song "alright" by Jamiroquai came on. I hope I win tickets to go to the damn thing!!!
I've had an amazing day today, a day any girl would wish for… What can I say? It's days like these that make me realize that in spite of how NIPPY the world gets, i'll always have special people around me to keep me warm… ;) I'm a lucky girl I am…
"…now I've got that sunshine in my life."
I went through a time in my life that messed my head. It was like someone so powerful picked me up and turned me inside out like you do with most of your laundry. It felt like some greater being has forced itself deep into my chest and squeezed the life out of my heart. I was lost, so lost. I was confused, alone, bitter at the amount of loss, and scared. I was scared. I was afraid. I was weak. I felt myself sinking lower and lower into the unknown. It was like standing on quick sand without realizing and it's sucking you down… deep down. I wanted to yell 'help!' but no one listened. I felt eyes on me, but they couldn't see the amount of hurt lurking inside. It was my definition of struggle because I believe that struggle means different things to different people.
Even though it was over, I still had pieces to pick up and glue together. I still had bags of emotions to go through. I was left with a heart that needed mending and a head that needed fixing. I was finally in a country I tried so hard to escape to, but nothing felt the same. Nothing tasted the same. In fact, everything tasted sour to the point where you'd have to close your eyes tight and wait for that feeling to pass.
The present is all that matters. My present is my education. Without it, please tell me why I'm here again? I've been interrupted many times. I've had obstacles thrown at me and I know God sat watching me from up above intrigued at how I'd handle them. I handled them pretty well, I think. I got through, and I managed. I had a few slips here and there, but let's face it, who doesn't have those days?
I just want to say, yesterday wasn't the best of days. Sure, I had worst days, but I walked out into the coldness of the city and allowed the breeze to dry my tears. I had a million questions in my head and one of them was the one we always seem to ask, "why me?" Hmmm, I wish I had the answer to that, but I don't, so I'll settle with this quote from Ani Difranco, "We are made to bleed and scab and heal and bleed again and turn every scar into a joke. We are made to fight and fuck and talk and fight again and sit around and laugh until we choke…"
I realized that I've been living in fear. I've been dragging my past into the present and the future. With every negative thought, there was a negative emotion, and with every negative emotion, a negative action was born. I've heard people say, "You are what you eat" and I'm here to say that you are what you feel. You feel like shit? Everything around you will look like shit. You will attract everything bad there is out there because it'll reflect your attitude and what you're feeling on the inside.
Like I was telling someone today, picture the world was a stress-free place with no responsibilities and things to worry about, how boring would that world be? No, I refuse to be a part of it. I want to be a part of this world. I want to stress. I want to have responsibilities. I want to cry out of frustration. I want to have bad days because everyone has them. I want to wake up and think today is a new day and I'll make the most of it.
Tonight I'm going to get rid of this fear inside me. I am going to liberate myself. I'm going to be free. I'm going to force myself to believe that I can do this. I'll convince myself that even though it's not going to be an easy ride, I'm strong enough to get through it. Come on, I've been through worse things than this. I'll tell myself that I'm smart enough, maybe not a genius, maybe not as intelligent as the rest of my family members, but I can pull a decent degree and finally venture into the real world. Or have I been there already? I've got potential, and I have what it takes. I just need to believe that.
Most importantly, I'll tell myself that I'll be fine. That even if hell freezes over, I will not pull out of university and call it quits. If this is meant to be a battle, then I don't and WILL NOT loose my battles.
How freaky that just as I was about to end this post, the song "alright" by Jamiroquai came on. I hope I win tickets to go to the damn thing!!!
I've had an amazing day today, a day any girl would wish for… What can I say? It's days like these that make me realize that in spite of how NIPPY the world gets, i'll always have special people around me to keep me warm… ;) I'm a lucky girl I am…
"…now I've got that sunshine in my life."
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)